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Mad Men Season 5 Episode 13, “The Phantom”

A promise is a promise, even if it’s several months late mmkay?

I guess naming a previous episode “Dark Shadows” wasn’t enough of a tone setter, eh? This season finale felt like something of a letdown, but mostly because the two episodes prior both featured huge turns. Overall I still prefer the struggling startup woes of Season 4 to the times-are-changing/modern marriage angle of Season 5, but kudos for making Megan more than just a secretary. Lane’s arc will always feel a little misplayed to me, but that’s the way the cookie crumbled.

This last episode’s power rankings:

10. Don Draper’s tooth — I think I know what you’re trying to do, Mr. Weiner, but why? Probably the most blatant allegory/symbolism of the season, followed closely by…

9. Adam Whitman — Yeah, we get it. Don’s haunted by nooses! Did Lane go through all this just so we could get some obvious scenes with Adam Whitmans wandering around?

8. LSD — What can’t Roger Sterling make look glamorous?

7. Marie Calvet — Great job stealing away to have your own fun, and great job calling Roger out on looking for a nanny.

6. Beth Dawes — I know I couldn’t have been the only one hoping for a (real) Beth sighting…though the shock therapy seems to instantly one-note her character.

5. Pete Campbell — Seriously, bro? Has anyone ever made having everything look less cool?

4. Megan Draper — Backstabbing your friend to get the lead in your own husband’s client’s commercial feels uncouth and beneath you, Miss. But well played.

3. Peggy Olson — Seems to be calling the shots at the new office…but still awkward at the personal moments, as witnessed by the chance encounter with Don at the movies.

2. Joan Harris — Nice to see her getting her due at the partners’ table. And channeling Lane out of nostalgia/loyalty, no less.

1. Don Draper — This season was all about the de-pantsing followed by the slow re-pantsing of our lead guy. That closing look on his face is perfect, promising everything and nothing for next season.

Next up: I’ve spent the past couple weeks getting up to speed with the slow-to-start-but-ultimately-ridiculously-amazing Breaking Bad so I can watch the final season live as it happens. Expect some form of blogging on the brilliance that is Vince Gilligan.

Mad Men Season 5, Episode 12 — “Fees and Commissions”

So I’ve not really been as timely with these rankings as I’d hoped but I promise to see this thing through to the end.

“Fees and Commissions” is a fairly gruesome episode when you come down to it, yet weirdly poignant. I’ll say this, Mr. Weiner — those days spent on The Sopranos really helped give you the cojones to do anything with your main characters, eh? Amazingly, this insightful interview with Jared Harris also goes a long way to confirming the Mob-like milieu in which actors learn about their characters’ fates.

Oh, and keeping us in suspense about Peggy to lead up to the season finale is a great touch.

10. Julia (Megan’s friend) — Still kind of a floozy, but I’m a sucker for recurring character continuity. She may be Megan’s only outlet going forward so who knows what seeds are getting planted here?

9. Glen Bishop — Alright, the nepotism is really starting to get to me. Do we really need this much of this character? Doesn’t he have any interesting qualities of his own?

8. Megan Draper — Continues her plummet, this time unable to become a true surrogate mother for Sally.

7. Bert Cooper — Nice to know he can understand the books when he wants to.

6. Pete Campbell — You dodged a bullet/noose this season, Pete. Earn this.

5. Lane Pryce — I never really loved this character, but it still seems a little cruel to do this to him. Kind of a lost opportunity; still don’t believe he wouldn’t have just asked Don for a loan in the first place.

4. Betty Draper — I actually like that Sally ran back to her in her moment of need. Nice to see Betty get a bone every once in a while. Er, you know what I mean.

3. Ken Cosgrove — Smart to stay out of the wooing of Ed Baxter, and doesn’t even want to be a partner. Now can we please get back to the writing career?

2. Sally Draper — Clever work staging your secret date. I know it didn’t go as planned, but these things happen. So I’m told.

1. Don Draper — Love the newfound fire to go after big accounts. And even if the handling of Lane’s situation backfired, at least it was done from a place of integrity he’s suddenly rediscovered 10 episodes into this season. Just don’t go for the hanging hat trick.

Mad Men Power Rankings: Season 5, Episode 11 — “The Other Woman”

Poor Mr. Draper; just when he gets his mojo back, all the women in his life grow more distant than ever. And the goodbye scene with Don and Peggy in Don’s office, right on the heels of Don reeling from what Joan has done? Devastating.

10. Ted Chaough — Unfortunately I don’t really remember him from previous seasons, but seems like competent foil for Don. Who knows what tricks/secret lives Peggy’s new boss will have?

9. Roger Sterling — Surprisingly quiet, but not speaking up more for Joan speaks volumes.

8. Ken Cosgrove — His loyalty to Peggy is admirable. When will we hear more about the sci-fi writing?

7. Pete Campbell — Pretty much locking down his status of most odious, most un-respectable-yet-undeniably-successful member of the firm with his organized purchase of Joan’s services.

6. Megan Draper — Falling fast.

5. Michael Ginsberg — Doesn’t fall for Megan’s friend’s attention-whoring.

4. Lane Pryce — Probably ends up doing the most for Joan.

3. Don Draper — Stood up for Joan, but in the least effective way possible. And finally notices Peggy’s unhappiness, at the least meaningful moment possible.

2. Joan Harris — Can you blame her?

1. Peggy Olson — You made your move, girl. Let’s see how far this goes.

Mad Men Power Rankings: Season 5, Episode 10 — “Christmas Waltz”

Should have known it was coming: a Lane Pryce feature episode. At least Don’s re-ascendancy seems complete. Bonus: having a Christmas episode in May isn’t nearly as odd as i thought it’d be.

10. Bert Cooper — Congrats, Bert! You made it into another episode. And you even got more screen time than Peggy.

9. Lane Pryce — It’s funny how you forget how much you don’t miss Lane Pryce until he turns up again. Why all the dramatic skulduggery for a character that matters so little?

8. Paul Kinsey — Never saw this coming. Hare Krishna’s one thing, but a Star Trek spec script!

7. Lakshmi Bennett — As conniving women go, kind of lukewarm. Still worth seeing Harry Crane get the time of his life though.

6. Harry Crane — Unclear whether Kinsey’s actually lucky to have him as a friend or not, but at least he gets the girl.

5. Megan Draper — Mostly on the periphery this time around, but good job calling Don out on his lack of enthusiasm for work. Plus: (post) modern theater!

4. Joan Harris — Seriously, with Don previously divorced, Roger divorcing again, Joan divorcing, Pete and even Harry falling off the wagon, is Mad Men actually a show about divorce? How many couples will make it to the end of this series intact?

3. Pete Campbell — Still not getting any love from his colleagues but at least he stays out of trouble this episode.

2. Roger Sterling — Love the Hawaiian shirt.

1. Don Draper — Nice handling of the Jaguar salesman, nice handholding of Joan at the bar, nice driving/stumbling home drunk and nice speech to the troops to close out this episode. Welcome back, Tiger.

Mad Men Power Rankings: Season 5, Episode 9 — “Dark Shadows”

The darkest, most cutthroat episode of the season thus far, with some good reversals. Welcome back to the rat race, folks. And how crackerjack is the modern-day zeitgeist timing on this episode, managing to air on the opening weekend of Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows?

10. Henry Francis — Jeez, what does this man see in Betty? Props for somehow maintaining sanity.

9. Pete Campbell — Still fantasizing about Beth. Still hated by all the partners.

8. Bert Cooper — Another deus ex Cooper! Seriously, how much screen time is this guy contracted for?

7. Jane Sterling — Good job negotiating the new apartment, bad job negotiating Roger Sterling’s voraciousness.

6. Roger Sterling — Love to see that the old coyote’s still got some drive and ambition, even if he’s gotta leverage his wealth to stay relevant.

5. Michael Ginsberg — Gifted copywriter who knows ideas are a dime a dozen, and you gotta admire that gutsy confrontation with Don.

4. Betty Draper — Am I crazy in thinking the fat suit might actually be helping January Jones’s acting? As questionable as the Weight Watchers storyline is, it actually had me starting to feel sympathy…and then the writers remind us about that emotional childishness.

3. Don Draper — The edge is back, but why? All he needs to focus is to not have Megan in the office? Ok actually that does make a lot of sense.

2. Megan Draper — Barely outwits Betty, yet ultimately shows that the new Draper couple is an upgrade in emotional stability. Teaching Sally how to cry on command feels almost like Palpatine getting ahold of Anakin.

1. Sally Draper — Totally manipulated by Betty, totally holds her own against Megan, and nearly treated like an adult by Dad. Plus suddenly doing well in school? This character could seriously go anywhere; do we smell a Mad Women spinoff starring Sally Draper in the 70’s???

Mad Men Power Rankings: Season 5, Episode 8 – “Lady Lazarus”

Fell a week behind, but a promise is a promise. I’ll post power rankings for the most recent episode (“Dark Shadows”) within a day or two. Best thing about “Lady Lazarus”: those fantasies of a Gilmore GirlsMad Men crossover coming to fruition.

10. Betty Draper — Probably shouldn’t even be ranked but I actually start to pity her for her lack of screen time. Out of sight, out of mind.
9. Pete Campbell — It’s kind of stunning how a character can have so much fall into his lap and still come out looking like a loser.
8. Sally Draper — Probably still reeling from the event she witnessed last episode. Smart to let it simmer for a week before (I’m assuming) bringing it back to a head next episode.
7. Don Draper — Slightly more of a man in this episode for at least realizing he can’t control his wife.
6. Peggy Olson — Flubbing her lines with Don during the dessert topping pitch was somewhat predictable, but Elisabeth Moss still pulls off the frustration of being a Peggy Olson in a Megan Draper world.
5. Joan Harris — Still the true boss of the office.
4. Beth Dawes — That’s some cold shit you’re playing with Pete, missy. But good work getting back at Howard. Who knew Rory Gilmore would look so good in period?
3. Roger Sterling — The bedrock of sanity in this episode, oddly enough. But where’s my Bert Cooper??
2. Matthew Weiner — Running a Beatles song just because you can is a little show-offy, but I admire the chutzpah in taking another left turn with the new Drapers (see #1). And I do like the looming threat of Don becoming out of touch with the zeitgeist he butters his bread with.
1. Megan Draper — Still overpowered as a character, but I’m definitely curious to see what she does next. Will her departure from the office create more or less time for Betty? And do we care?

Mad Men Power Rankings: Season 5, Episode 7 – “At the Codfish Ball”

Let’s welcome Julia Ormond to the world of Mad Men! Still trying to figure out whether I prefer ascending or descending order for these lists; let’s stick with ascending for now.

10. Pete Campbell — Mostly because we needed to fill a slot. At least he got screen time over Pryce and Cooper.
9. the French language — How do you make Mad Men even classier? Up the amount of French (and accompanying subtitles) by bringing Megan’s parents to town.
8. Roger Sterling — Seriously, was there any doubt about him and Mrs. Calvet from the moment they appeared onscreen together? Kinda wished for a better twist here.
7. Glen Bishop — On television, it’s not totally clear to me why this Sally-Glen relationship still has legs. In real life, being a Weiner might have something to do with it?
6. Don Draper — Still a hound dog, still being manipulated by his (surprisingly) better half.
5. Peggy Olson — Really surprised how whipped Peggy is by boyfriend Abe; what happened to the ambitious girl who exploded in last week’s pitch meeting?
4. Abe Drexler (Peggy’s boyfriend) — See above.
3. Sally Draper — Sticking it to Grandma Francis, clandestine phone calls with Glen, making Papa Draper uncomfortable with your dress AND witnessing Roger Sterling being serviced? Not bad for an episode’s work.
2. Joan Harris — So good to have Joan back in the office. Here we see her returning to her role as Peggy’s advisor in the ways of womanhood; her congratulating Peggy on moving in with Abe has the perfect amount of ambiguity.
1. Megan Draper — Edging into dangerously unbelievable territory with her orchestrated takeover of the Heinz dinner, but pretty clear the writers don’t want us to ever underestimate this woman. Betty never held a candle.

Mad Men power rankings – Season 5, Episode 6: “Far Away Places”

2012 began with not less than a few delusions of grandeur from this (would-be) blog writer, the most urgent of which was a fantasy vision of starting several sports columns related not to favorite sports teams but favorite shows I follow.

Four months and one already-abortive Cubs season later, I find myself with exactly 0 posts of original content for the year. Well, readers, this post aims to rectify that by jumping straight into a (hopefully) recurring column in which we rank the top characters in Mad Men after each episode of its latest season.

We begin our rankings in medias res — after Episode 6 of Season 5, entitled “Far Away Places” — so if you haven’t watched the episode yet (and can somehow go on living with yourself), consider this your warning. Also, I’d be remiss to mention the Mad Men power rankings on Grantland which, while well-intentioned, seem a bit rambly to this humble reader. This list is not meant as a rip-off or a snarky reaction to that feature, though; truth be told my years of experience writing ridiculous lists and reading ESPN already had me making power rankings for everything well before Mad Men existed.

So without further delay, here are my top 10 Mad Men characters in ascending order as they exist in our April 22, 2012 version of 1966 (I’m going off of memory as ’66 being the year this season is set…this is where an intern fact checker would come in most handy):

10. Jane Sterling — Forces Roger to go to the LSD party. This episode was all about women (trying to) put their men in place, though I guess it ultimately backfires for Jane (see #4).
9. Pete Campbell and Lane Pryce (tie) – Pete did the sensible thing and laid low after being forcibly laid low by Lane’s fist last week. Smart move. Lane also avoided getting into another Season 5 scene that had you wondering, “What have I done to deserve this much Lane Pryce?”
8. Michael Ginsberg — I’m not really sure how to treat the revelation that he was born in a concentration camp. Is it a setup? A way he gets in the head of his coworkers, or a way Mad Men writers force compelling story? Only time will tell.
7. Sally Draper — Little to do in this episode, but I’m not putting anything past her. Kiernan Shipka could sell eating ice cream as a revelation.
6. Don Draper — Yeah, I know he actually kicks a door in to confront Megan, but somehow it still felt like Don was totally de-pantsed this episode. It’s really interesting that the writers have completely changed the behavior of their main character this season and there’s still enough going on that we feel like we’re watching the show called Mad Men.
5. Bert Cooper — Bert is like the wild card deus ex machina at this point; he’s had so little to do for these past few seasons that his confrontation with Don about slacking off near the end of this episode is a welcome bolt out of the blue. Here’s hoping he stirs up more trouble soon.
4. Roger Sterling — Not as many memorable lines this episode, but that LSD trip is just the right amount of weird. Also, you really feel for him when he asks Don to go out on the town like old times and Don immediately wants his wife to be a part of it.
3. Peggy Olson — Yeah, Peggy paid for going postal in her Heinz pitch but it was a well-deserved release; and her surreal moment in the movie theater actually brought her closer to her boyfriend which is, you know, cool and certainly not condoning anything on my part.
2. Megan Draper — Going into this season one of the biggest questions was how the writing staff would handle this character given all the pitfalls of Betty, but overall I think they’ve done a pretty decent job of transcending trophy wife humdrum-ness: Megan’s shown depth in both wanting a career and refusing to bend to Don’s every wish.
1. Matt Weiner — It’s been so long since this show was on the air that I’d totally forgotten what astounded me about watching Season 4 live: somehow it really feels like we are living in each moment (of the historical past!) with these characters. Anything can happen to anyone at any time, and Episode 6 just proves it again: Roger and Jane breaking up through an LSD trip, Megan suddenly going postal on Don while eating ice cream, the debatable use of Rashomon structure, even the show’s continued use of murderously abrupt act breaks. Weiner’s the goddamn madman to rule them all, and still not a moment feels contrived as it’s happening.